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CYCM - Cider with Josie

CYCM. Cider with Josie. Tea with Earn. Beer with soul. Veggies in a stew…

This weekend, against Rossendale, Course You Can Malcolm is open an hour earlier from 12 o’clock. That’s open from 12 o’clock. We’ll be dolling things up from before 11 but you can be sat down, in your club, in your bar, with a pint of your beer at 12 o’clock. The bad news is that it’s not open at half time as there is a do booked in. She giveth and she taketh away. And Main Stand can come in. She giveth back.

Manchester apple appertaining…
Josephine 90 is the pseudonym for Lynette ‘Snoddy’ Snodgrass. She’s on the messageboard with another name but for goodness sake how many names does one posh person need? Josephine is the bespectacled, non-conventionally sized person who mithers you. There is no more succinct way to put it – she mithers you.

She is a heat seeking missile and if FC United of Manchester ever want anything collecting/ organising/re-arranging/ alphabetising then this attrition–based-pest is the one they turn to. She’s an enforcer. With a bookmark and a keen eye for categorising things into an orderly manner.

We’ve set her on you to give you your taste of Manchester cider. She’s collected all your names, put them in alphabetical order in her book and will, this weekend, collect your one pound for the DF and give you your taste of Manchester cidery history in Malcolmses. See previous articles if you don’t know what we’re on about. We’ve left it to her to organise. So it’ll get done.

Tea Earn…
Talkative Chris is a bit tea obsessed. If you see the last few programmes you will know what we are talking about. This Saturday in Malcolmses will see FC United of Manchester’s first tea bar. Obviously we won’t get it right first time but with all tea served in FC United of Manchester mugs and bespoke, personalised brewing from Talkative himself, it will be sure to get there. We’ve got Kenco coffee aswell but that’ll change to proper coffee in them coffee-warmery-things when we shape up and Liz gets back from holiday.

Tea and coffee are a pound. Football league grounds are miles dearer and we’ve all paid it to them. This time it’s ours. Talkative will be stuck behind the flap bit behind the bar when you first walk in. He’ll be stuck behind the bar with a laminated notice at the side of him saying ‘Tea Earn.’ Which is what our club is doing without us really knowing.

Carrot corner…
Walk into Malcolmses, turn right going past Talkative’s Tea Earn, move past the tater hash and whimberry charlotte table, slaver at Jo and Liz’s beer counter and then you’re there. In Carrot Corner. You’ll see the laminated sign saying so. A guest vegetarian has started putting on a dish every home game. We’ve had Chris Boulderstone’s veggie curry and naan, Martin Morris’s five bean chilli and nachos. This week it’s Lewis’s big pan of winter stew and a thick slice of white Warbies’s toastie bread. We know it should be cut up French sticky/fancy bread but we couldn’t be mithered shopping for it on such a busy morning before opening early. There is only so much you can do before getting fed up.

Lewis, a volunteer in the finest traditions of CYCM as in he’s always meant to but never volunteered before, informs us that in the delicious, wholesome, good-for-you-whilst-being-gorgeous stew are barley, onions, leeks, lentils, mushroom, tomatoes, garlic, your herbs and your spices. Trust him, he’s from Chorlton and has got a cat, they know about these things. It’s also got beef style quorn to chunk it up. It’s been a year. Let the quorn thing pass. Although Lee and Jason going to Warrington Town v Quorn last week to let the tyres down on their coach was pushing it. Let the food help you get over it.

Lewis will be serving it. If you give him £2 for your bowl of stew he’ll accept it as a donation to the club. Bargain.

The comedian, Dan Bland, is coming over from Yorkshire. As always it’s for free. The turn before the band always gets 11 minutes. That’s a long way for 11 minutes but I’m sure you’ll make him very FC United of Manchester welcome. We might have advertised Dan earlier, I’m not sure as so many games have been called off it’s all blending in. I’m sure we tried to get him to play when we were playing a Yorkshire side. Anyway. We first saw Dan at a ‘Beat The Frog’ Monday night at the Frog and Bucket around October/November. He was in a final with 7 others. All the others had a rampant studie following that seemed to go into apoplexy when one of their student own got up on stage and said ‘Have you ever noticed right’ in that student, accentless way.

Dan didn’t stick to this tiresome method. His jokes were ace but bypassed those who were there for the strict formula of “have you ever noticed right.” Dan’s act is one of misery. When we spoke to him at the break - where he stood totally on his own, talking to no one - he was as miserable in real life. Quality. We won’t build him up too much, as all comedy is subjective, but I’ll leave you with what he said to us when we said to him that he was very funny and why haven’t we seen him more? He said “I just can’t be arsed.” And you knew he meant it.

Popular music band…
Back in August/September when we first started CYCM, The Naughtys were recommended to us by some very good sources. On contacting Lee from the band we found his partner was just going to have a baby so the band was going quiet for a while. Modern parents and all that. And now they’re back. And they contacted us saying they really wanted to play. They’re all Reds from Stretford beside one who is a blue so I suppose they are representative of the ratio of Manchester. When Twisted wheel were pushed heavily in the press around ‘In The City’ they came out and stated that they loved The Naughtys. Some of the young Oddies really rate them so again we shall see.

You can listen to them beforehand at www.thatthinghwhereyougetyourmusicfrom.com.co.uk or whatever it’s called. This week they won’t have to suffer what The Witches did last time. That is – a two hour wait for the vocal PA and then no mike stand so a coat stand was used. Sorry about that but at least we know we’re poor. We can only get poorer. Some like to think of us as a sort of Steven Spencer’s hip – we look the part at times but then we go a bit limpy. At least, we think it was his hip they’re going on about.

The PA is now sorted but on reflection I think everyone agreed the coat stand played it’s rock’n’roll part. Perhaps, if the audience requested it, it might make a guest appearance later in the season. Aww, I hope it does.

The organic stout from central Manchester’s Marble brewery flew out last time. Once you’ve tried it you’ll be hooked on its chocolate stoutyness. Then again, you love the Stowford’s Press cider. However, we’re having trouble getting it as the next batch isn’t ready until after the 31st of January. In the meantime we’ve got Stowfords to get us their award winning organic cider in 500ml bottles.

We’ve also got a new bitter for you to try. The Northern Soul brewery – you’d be unsurprised to know that they love their soul music - do a 500ml bottle at 4.1% called ‘Heart of soul.’ With our two-Uniteds-but-the soul-is-one romanticism we thought we’d give it a go. We’re not daft though. It’s been on in the Crown and Kettle in town and New Oxford in Bexley Square and has been reviewed as a proper nice drink. There’s also a slightly strong bitter at 5.2%, and also in a 500ml bottle by the same brewery, called ‘I’m on my way’ which was one of the last three tracks played on the last ever night at Wigan Casino. And one of the Northern Soul Brewery main brewers, Colin Stubbs, has got a son-in-law who played for AZ when we played them on boycott day at Abbey Hey. Small world and that.

And that’s about it. Usual rules and conditions apply. Members only with members able to sign one guest in. Doors open 12pm. THAT’S 12PM. The shutters will be shut to the MRE but we’re still there lurking at our usual door entrance. Get there very early as the usual lock-out is turning out to be the usual, usual, usual lock-out. Drink sensibly, eat sensibly, act sensibly and support the Reds unsensibly when you get out there. It opens at 12pm by the way.

Fraternally yours,

The CYCM odd-carriers.


The price of nothing and the value of everything.

All profits are ploughed 100% into paying our matchday expenses to our landlord unless they have a ‘DF’ sign at the side of them. Everyone works freemans for the love of this football club of ours. Every time they take to that pitch, every time we stand in any stand, every time our own bar opens, every time good men and women get together, is the time when Manchester says: “We won’t be beat. Beauty will always remain, to see its hopes cleared.”

Marble Brewery – Organic Chocolate Marble stout - £3 a 500ml bottle. Two for £5.

NEW *** Stowford Brewery – Organic cider - £3 a 500ml bottle. Two for £5.

NEW ***Northern Soul Brewery – ‘Heart of soul’ and ‘I’m on my way’ bitter. £2 a 500ml bottle.

Superbok and german lager - £2 a 330ml bottle or 3 for £5.

Tater hash and pie crust - £2 a bowl.

Cheese and onion pies - £1

Whimberry Charlotte mmmm cakes - £1.

Veggie meal of the day. - £2 donation to the club.

Tea Earn – Coffee and tea £1.

Colas, fair trade juices and apple juices coz it’s cider day - £1

The 1878 tater-hash-tenner – DF – Andy got £30 back last game with a tenner to the DF.

Thank you for supporting this club of ours.

24-01-2008 at 11:46

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